Darling," says a husband to his wife. "Let's swap(=vaihtaa) positions tonight."
"What a good idea," she replies. "You stand in front of sink and do the dishes, and I'll sit in front of TV and fart(=piereskellä)."
short one today: Research has shown that today's most common form of marriage proposal is: "You're WHAT!?"..
Q: How do you change
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you keep
blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How does
A: She drowns it.
Q: How do you make
blonde laugh on
A: Tell her joke on Wednesday.
Q: What do you get when you cross
A1: I don't know, there are some things even blonde won't do.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below
Q. How do you attract
A. Make noise like wounded vegetable.sanat
Q. Which is worth more.. new one?
A. old ten dollar bill is always worth more than new ONE.
Q. What is
A. hunter lies in wait and fisherman waits and lies. sanat
Q. What did
grape say when
elephant sat on it?
A. Nothing. He just let out little wine.
Q. If there are 5 flies in
kitchen, which one is
A. one in the sugar bowl.sanat
Q. What opera is about hamburgers?
A. Barbecue of Seville.sanat
Q. Why was
guy fired from orange juice factory?
A. He couldn't concentrate.sanat
Q. How do you catch
P. Hide behind tree and make carrott noises.
Q. Why do
cows wear bells?
A. Because their horns don't work.
Q. What goes up and never goes down?
A. Your age.
Q. What gets bigger
more you take from it?
Q. What did
monkey say when he put his tail on
A. It won't be long now! sanat
Q. What did
digital watch say to his mom?
A. "Look mom no hands."
Q. Where does an 800-pound gorilla sleep?
A. Anywhere he wants.
Q. Did you hear about
A. Great food, no atmosphere.
Q. Did you hear about
guy who swam
Atlantic twice without taking a bath?
A. dirty double crosser!(double crosser=petkuttaja")
A man who smelled like distillery flopped on subway seat next to priest. man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.sanat
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes disheveled guy turned to priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?(=niveltulehdus)"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and acontempt(=ylenkatse) for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
priest, thinking about what he hadsaid, nudged the man and apologized. sanat "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that Pope does."
chicken and horse were in field together; horse fell into mud hole and couldn't get out. He called out to chicken and said 'help, help go and get farmer I can't get out and I'm sinking in further.
The chicken runs up to farm house and tries to get farmer but he isn't around. Being quick thinking chick, she ran and got farmer's Mercedes and drove it to mud hole. She then tied rope to tow hook and threw it to horse and she pulled him out with Mercedes. horse was very grateful.
week or so later chicken fell into very same mud hole. She called out to horse and he came running she said 'Help! Go and get farmer. I can't get out'. horse then straddled over mud hole and told the chick to hang on to 'thingy' between his legs. She did and he managed to pull her out.
moral of story...
You don't need Mercedes to pick up chick... you just need to be hung like horse !!
Why did the blonde put her finger over nail when she was
noise gave her a headache.
BEST EXCUSES IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING
IN YOUR OFFICE OR CUBICLE
They told me at blood bank this might happen
coffee machine is broken....
While cruising at 40,000 feet, airplane shuddered(=vapisi) and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed, "one of engines(=moottori) just blew up!"
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly aircraft was rocked by second blast as yet another engine exploded on other side.
The passengers were in panic now, and even stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, pilot strode from cockpit (=ohjaamo)and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about.
His words and his demeanor seemed to make most of passengers feel better, and they sat down as pilot calmly walked to door of aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to flight attendants(lentoemäntä).
Each crew member attached package to their backs.
"Say," spoke up alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?(=laskuvarjoja)"
pilot said they were. passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"
"There isn't," replied pilot as
third engine exploded.
"We're going to get help."
You should be sure it is blonde when somebody ...