Darling," says a husband to his wife. "Let's swap(=vaihtaa) positions tonight."

"What a good idea," she replies. "You stand in front of  THE sink and do the dishes, and I'll sit in front of  THE TV and fart(=piereskellä)."

   A   short one today: Research has shown that today's most common form of marriage proposal is: "You're WHAT!?"..

Q: How do you change    A   blonde's mind?
A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: How do you keep    A   blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in    A   round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: How does    A   blonde kill    A   fish?
A: She drowns it.


Q: How do you make    A   blonde laugh on
A: Tell her    A   joke on Wednesday.

Q: What do you get when you cross    A   blonde and    A   lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even    A   blonde won't do.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below    A   waist?
A: Marriage.sanat

Q. How do you attract    A   vegetarian?
A. Make    A   noise like    A   wounded vegetable.sanat

Q. Which is worth more..    A   new one?
A. old ten dollar bill is always worth more than    A   new ONE.

Q. What is    A   difference between    A   hunter and    A   fisherman?
A.    A   hunter lies in wait and    A   fisherman waits and lies. sanat

Q. What did    A   grape say when    A   elephant sat on it?
A. Nothing. He just let out    A   little wine.

Q. If there are 5 flies in    A   kitchen, which one is    A   football player?
A.    A   one in the sugar bowl.sanat

Q. What opera is about hamburgers?
A.    A   Barbecue of Seville.sanat

Q. Why was    A   guy fired from  THE orange juice factory?
A. He couldn't concentrate.sanat

Q. How do you catch    A   rabbit?
P. Hide behind    A   tree and make carrott noises.

Q. Why do    -   cows wear bells?
A. Because their horns don't work.

Q. What goes up and never goes down?
A. Your age.

Q. What gets bigger    A   more you take from it?
A.    A   hole.

Q. What did    A   monkey say when he put his tail on    A   Railroad tracks?
A. It won't be long now! sanat

Q. What did    A   digital watch say to his mom?
A. "Look mom no hands."

Q. Where does an 800-pound gorilla sleep?
A. Anywhere he wants.

Q. Did you hear about    A   restaurant on  THE moon?
A. Great food, no atmosphere.

Q. Did you hear about    A   guy who swam  THE Atlantic twice without taking a bath?
A.    A   dirty double crosser!(double crosser=petkuttaja")

A man who smelled like    A   distillery flopped on    A   subway seat next to    A   priest.    A   man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and    A   half empty bottle of  - gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.sanat

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes  THE disheveled guy turned to  THE priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes  -   arthritis?(=niveltulehdus)"

"Mister, it's caused by -  loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt(=ylenkatse) for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

 THE priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. sanat "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that  THE Pope does."


   A   chicken and    A   horse were in    A   field together;  THE horse fell into    A   mud hole and couldn't get out. He called out to  THE chicken and said 'help, help go and get  THE farmer I can't get out and I'm sinking in further.

The chicken runs up to  THE farm house and tries to get  THE farmer but he isn't around. Being    A   quick thinking chick, she ran and got  THE farmer's Mercedes and drove it to  THE mud hole. She then tied    A   rope to  THE tow hook and threw it to  THE horse and she pulled him out with  THE Mercedes.  THE horse was very grateful.

   A   week or so later  THE chicken fell into  THE very same mud hole. She called out to  THE horse and he came running she said 'Help! Go and get  THE farmer. I can't get out'.  THE horse then straddled over  THE mud hole and told the chick to hang on to  THE 'thingy' between his legs. She did and he managed to pull her out.

 THE moral of  THE story...

You don't need    A   Mercedes to pick up    A   chick... you just need to be hung like horse !!

Why did the blonde put her finger over  THE nail when she was
 THE noise gave her a headache.


They told me at  THE blood bank this might happen

 THE coffee machine is broken....

While cruising at 40,000 feet,  THE airplane shuddered(=vapisi) and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed, "one of  THE engines(=moottori) just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly  THE aircraft was rocked by    A   second blast as yet another engine exploded on  THE other side.

The passengers were in    A   panic now, and even  THE stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently,  THE pilot strode from  THE cockpit (=ohjaamo)and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about.

His words and his demeanor seemed to make most of  THE passengers feel better, and they sat down as  THE pilot calmly walked to  THE door of  THE aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to  THE flight attendants(lentoemäntä).

Each crew member attached  THE package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up  An alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?(=laskuvarjoja)"

 THE pilot said they were.  THE passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied  THE pilot as    A   third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

You should be sure it is    A   blonde when somebody ...

  • - spends twenty minutes looking at  A   orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
  • - puts lipstick on  THE forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
  • - gets stabbed in    A   shoot-out.
  • - sends    A   fax with    A   stamp on it.
  • - tries to drown    A   fish.
  • - If you gave them    A   penny for their intelligence, you'd get change.
  • - thinks    -   socialism means partying.
  • - trips over    A   cordless phone.sanat
  • - takes    A   ruler to bed to see how long did she sleep.
  • - At the bottom of  THE application where it says "Sign Here" she put "Sagittarius."
  • - takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
  • - studies for    A   blood test and fails.
  • - invents    A   solar powered flashlight.
  • - sells  THE car for gas money.
  • - heard 90% of all crimes occur around  THE home, she moves.
  • - misses  THE 44 bus, and takes  THE 22 twice instead.
  • - takes you to  THE airport and saw    A   sign that said, "Airport left", she turned around and went    -   home.
  • - got locked in Furniture Shop and slept on  THE floor.

    1. Borrow money from pessimists... they don't expect it back.

    The 2 most common elements in  THE middle universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

    Clothes make  THE man. Naked people have little or no influence on  - Society aina ilman society.

    If at first you don't succeed,    -   skydiving(=laskuvarjohyppy) is not for you.

    Money can't buy  - But it sure makes  - misery easier to live with.

    It may be that your sole purpose in    -   life is simply to serve as    A   warning to others.

    You can't fall off(=pudota)  THE floor.

     THE average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because
     THE average man can see better than he can think.

    To succeed in    -   politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

    You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

     THE clear conscience(=omatunto) is usually the sign of a bad memory.

     THE hard work pays off in the future.   -  laziness pays off now.

     THE mafia was looking for    A   new man to make weekly collections from all  THE private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling  THE heat from the police force, they decided to use    A   deaf person for this job--if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to  THE police what he was doing. On his first week,  THE deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep  THE money and stashes it in a safe place.  THE mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after  THE deaf collector.  THE hoods find  THE collector to ask him where the money is. He can't communicate with them, so  THE mafia drags the guy to  An interpreter.  THE mafia hood says to  THE interpreter,"Ask him where da money is."
     THE interpreter signs, "Where's  THE money?"
     THE deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."
     THE interpreter tells  THE hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
    The hood pulls out    A   .38 gun, places it in  THE ear of  THE deaf collector. "NOW ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
    The deaf man replies, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in  THE third tree stump on  THE left from  THE West 78th Street gate."
     THE interpreter says to  THE hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have  THE balls to pull  THE trigger."

    Pat was not feeling very well, so he decided to go to    A   doctor. While he was waiting in  THE doctor's reception room,    A   nun(=nunna) came out of  THE doctor's office. She looked very ashen, drawn and haggard.
    Pat went into  THE doctor's office and said to  THE doctor,
    "I just saw    A   nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen    A   woman look worse."
     THE doctor said, "I just told her that she is pregnant."
    Pat exclaimed, "Oh my, is she?"
     THE doctor responded, "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."

       A   herd of buffalo can move only as fast as slowest buffalo and, when  THE herd is hunted, it is  THE superlatiivi slowest and weakest ones at  THE back that are killed first. This natural selection is    -   good for  THE herd as    A   whole, because  THE general speed and health of  THE whole group keeps improving by  THE regular culling of  THE weakest members. In much  THE same way,  THE human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of    -   alcohol, as we all know, kills off brain cells. Naturally,  THE alcohol attacks  THE slowest and weakest brain cells first. As    A   result, regular consumption of    -   beer eliminates  THE weaker brain cells, constantly making  THE brain a faster and more efficient machine.... etusivu