Captain Cook was a mighty sailing man
He said I will sail around the world, I know I can.
Then on a Pacific isle one day at noon
He caused the natives hearts to fill with gloom
And this is what sealed  his doom.
His head hangs now in their trophy room.

General Custer must have been awful dumb
He went chasing Indians without his Gatlin Gun.
He spoke to his troops with a voice full of scorn
And this filled his soldiers with alarm.
He said we will force these Indians back on the farm
Or kill them all on the Little Big Horn.

Chief Crazy Horse was the smartest of his race
So he led Custer on a merry chase.
He slipped around until he saw his chance
Then he struck with bow and lance.
And without even a backward glance
He rode away wearing Custers pants.

Bonaparte thought the world was his to rule
Did he ever end up looking like a fool?
He should have stayed home in bed
But he went to Waterloo instead.
At least he didn't end up dead
But Boy,Was his face ever red.

When King Louis stood facing the Guillotine
He turned and spoke to his lovely Queen.
My Dear:I hope it wasn't something you said
Thats causing us to loose our heads.
My King:When the peasants got mad and revolted
I just told them to eat cake if they didn't have bread.

Then there was poor Joan of Arc
She thought making war was quite a lark.
Until a Bishop who hated her the most
Had the poor girl tied to a post.
And turned her into a pot roast.
Then served her hot on good French toast.

Another of history's biggest wienies
Was a jerk named Benito Mussolini
He would strut around with upraised chin
Rant and rave,Stick by me we are going to win.
He lied to his people till it was a sin
They got tired of his crap and just shot him.

You have all heard the story of poor Jesse James
How he died trying to adjust a picture frame.
Never turn your back when there's a reward on your head
One of your friends might come along and shoot you dead.
Bob Ford got the reward so it's said
Would have been better had Jesse shot him instead.

And when Captain Smith succumbed to the owners greed
He said damn the icebergs,crank her up to full speed.
The Titanic was supposedly an unsinkable ship
Until a mighty iceberg gave it a nasty rip.
That sure ruined a lot of people's maiden trip.
And made Captain Smitty look like a stupid drip.

Cleopatra was a lovesick little dame
But history will always remember her name.
She fell for some jerk named Mark
To him romance was just a lark
He left her alone to grieve in the dark
The sting of an Asp extinguished her spark.

We have all heard of Davy Crockett
A real dim bulb in history's light socket.
He heard of the Alamo and he headed west
Said I will go and meet the test.
But Santa Anna showed them who was best.
He buried Davy with all the rest.

Then there was a pirate,the scourage of the Spanish Main
He was British,Blackbeard was his name.
He sank their ships and did the Spaniards much harm
Then he went home to England just to retire to a farm.
But the Admirality took his gold and caused him much alarm
When they hung him from his ships yardarm.

Now Sir Walter Raliegh was a likeable guy
He and Queen Elizabeth really saw eye to eye.
And it is said she liked him alot
So she sent him to America to see what was what.
But when he came back to court smoking pot
She had him beheaded:Oh my dear such rot.

Why do we remember all these dumbells of time?
I guess it's because they make good rhyme.
And when they face the Throne on bended knee
And beg God for his mercy.
Then I'm sure that he will see
How many Morons he turned loose in history.
Elmer Ake