Penguin Monster Devastates Austraria
Thousands of innocent Australians scarred for life in which has been called "worst monster attack ever".
Australia is finally free of the avian monster that had been terrorizing it for weeks while the leaders of the world sat on their hands. Without the help of mystery monster, the whole continent would have been engulfed in flames and covered in guano.
The rampage of the monster dubbed the Giant Kaiju Penguin of DOOM!!!!1! by internet media began in the Antarctic, where it destroyed the Japanese Syowa Base. The sole survivor, the elderly scientist Suteki Kuso identified the monster as the legendary Penguirus, a mythical beast that materializes from the evil thoughts of a mad artist with an anal fixation.
World's leading Kaiju experts tried to warn the UN, but got rudely laughed out when they got to explaining the monster's origins. The laughter didn't last long, for two days later the penguin monster resurfaced at the coast of Australia and went on a rampage that was to last several weeks.
The Giant Kaiju Penguin of DOOM!!!!1! destroyed city after city by shooting heat rays from its eyes and covering ruins in acidic guano. The Australian army was helpless against the monster penguin that was impervious to all their weapons. The government of Australia asked for UN assistance, but were ignored.
The Giant Kaiju Penguin of DOOM!!!!1! disappeared for a while lulling everybody to a false sense of security, but then surfaced again in Sydney Harbor. The monster began to attack the famous buildings of Sydney and the city appeared to be doomed.
After the gigantic avian had destroyed the Sydney Opera house something unexpected happened. In a great flash of light orange light a new monster appeared and attacked The Giant Kaiju Penguin of DOOM!!!!1! This new beast was jet black and resembled a giant bipedal crocodile or radioctive dinosaur monster.
The two titans began a climatic battle with the penguin monster shooting heat rays and the curocodile monster breathing radioactive plasma. After what seemed like hours but was actually only 10.05 seconds the crocodile monster defeated the Giant Kaiju Penguin of DOOM!!!!1! which exploded in a shower of blood, guts and highly flammable penguin excrement.
Having defeated the monster penguin, the crocodile monster, whom we have decided to name Kurokojira for no apparent reason, retreated to the sea and disappeared. Nobody still knows where it came from in the first place, but eyewitness reports from Sydney mention a group of strangely clad ladies chanting something that sounded like "AU-MA-LA" just before Kurokojira appeared.
The origin of the Giant Kaiju Penguin of DOOM!!!!1! has been traced to a Austrarian artist who we leave anonymous here. At the moment he has gone missing and is sought after by many people. "If we ever find him, you bet we'll sue his ass," told Sydney official Stanley Bullocks our reporter. "And after that we'll sue the rest of him."
The world's leading Kaiju experts said that Penguirus is defeated for good but Kurokojira is likely to come back if any other ridiculously large monsters should threaten the wellbeing of the human kind in the near future. "Especially if it should happen in Japan," added Kaiju expert Watanabe Kaibutsu.
Baldy translated from Supekuwaarudo Shuukanshi